The Last Post (from kiwiland)

For the last few weeks I have been living at Uncle Dennis' place in Auckland. House sitting is very relaxing and I have done much less than I thought I would.

Lovely house to live in. I used to come and stay here when I was a teenager and I am very fond if it. That's one of Dennis's paintings, my favorite.

I have thoroughly researched the coffee shops on the North Shore and found the best vegan soups at Wise Cicada in Newmarket. Other than that, not much to write about. I went to the Auckland Zoo with Rachel and the girls.

And now the next adventure - Cairns tomorrow, more house sitting.

Endings

It happened suddenly. One day I was slim and lithe, the next day I caught myself in the bathroom mirror and realised I was looking not slim, but malnourished. Strong words to self. Too Scrawny! Too Wrinkly! Too Flappy! Far too Old Lady!

And it was because of the feeding tube, ironically. That dangling appendage has finally come out, but the procedure for having it removed wasn't much fun. I had a gastroscopy, which involves having a pipe put down your throat so a camera can go down into the gut to check that the end of the tube hasn't got embedded or anything. I think the doctor was hoping to cut the tube and remove the button that holds it inside the stomach by pulling it up and out the same way that his camera went in. I strongly suspect he hadn't accounted for the effects of seven weeks of radiation to the throat, which meant that a) my mouth doesn't open very far these days and b) my throat is now about as wide as a panadol capsule for a significant distance. I opted for sedation during the procedure. I remember clearly they tried to put a thing into my mouth to hold it open, and had to hunt for the pediatric version because I couldn't open wide enough. Enough said re what came next, but the last thing I can remember is fighting frantically to get that stuff out of my mouth, while they tried to hold my hands still.

When I woke up he came around to tell me the button got left inside. He said it would pass through in a few days and hopefully it has. As pleased as I am to be free of the tube, for whatever reason the whole procedure knocked me back and I spent most of the next few days dozing on the sofa, scoffing cherry-flavoured pamol (baby panadol) every few hours for a sore throat and not caring for food at all. Plus every time my jaw moved, there was this crunchy noise in one ear - most annoying.

My energy is picking up again now and the crunch has disappeared. Adventures with Food is pretty well back on track. Cottage pie last night was a great success. Yoghurt is still a failure. It tastes awful and goes claggy. Pear and pistachio choclolate cake with whipped cream - hell yes. Ice cream, mmmwh, not really. But goes down in a milkshake or an iced coffee when there are not many other options. Bring it on.

Word of the day is trissmus. That's what it called when you hold three fingers together and try to put them in your mouth and they don't fit. Though that does seem like it would be a bit of stretch under the best of circumstances. My trissmus thing is much better than it was, so I expect it will continue to improve. Foot in mouth again in no time.

This should be pretty much the end of my cancer story, apart from ongoing adventures with food. I got let off lightly. Hope you all wore your daffodils on Friday.

And it is also the end of my life in Rotorua. I'm all packed up and on the move again.

More about food

What to eat? I need to plan ahead and make an effort, though lately I'll admit I have gone back to topping up with good old bottles of hospital Ensure. I'm on a countdown now for a move back to Australia and trying to empty the store cupboards rather than spending money at the supermarket. I have significant stocks of the prescription food supplies and seeing as I have to wait another couple of weeks to get the feeding tube removed, I might as well use them.

Yes, selling up and moving on. Again. This time I am being really ruthless with what I'm getting rid of. Loads of stuff is going to the local hospice shop. Anyone want to buy a lovely little house with all-day sun and lake views? I'm sad to be leaving the house, but looking forward to getting back into a well-paid job. And that is not going to happen in Rotorua.

Back to the food adventures. I made a lentil and tomato soup and found the tomatoes too acidic. Stingy on throat and tongue. A bit of googling and experimenting saved it all from going to the birds - I added some baking soda, some roasted pumpkin and lots of coconut milk, and it ended up quite edible.

Helen suggested homemade baked beans with a poached egg on top, and that was another success. Red kidney beans with added carrots and celery. Flavoured with mustard, worchester sauce and maple syrup.

My carrot and cashew soup was actually quite nice too. In addition to using cashew cream to thicken, I roasted some extra cashews for extra flavour.




Your suggestions are welcome. The trick is getting enough protein, although my green smoothies help with that because of the added protein powder. I need the energy to help with this sorting, clearing and cleaning. Hard work!

Adventures with food

Some food adventures are happy ones, but many end up with a trip to the compost bin or casting morsels to the birds. My weight is at an all time low so I have widened the vegan diet to get more calories. An omelette ended up in the bin, it was too dry to get down. A bit like (I imagine) trying to eat the bill, remembering those days at restaurants when there was such a thing as a bill. Likewise the bowl of mashed potatoes with sardines - a good idea thanks Di, but it didn't work. Ice cream was a real failure. It makes my mouth slimy and my teeth furry, and if you can imagine both happening at once you can guess it it's just not nice. And I don't like sweet things any more.

But when I have a success it is a cause for great excitement. Yesterday I made a chinese dropped egg soup, and not only finished it but enjoyed the experience. And I have rediscovered tomatoes. The first time I tried, they stung my throat, but now I find I can eat them comfortably, yay. Maybe chopped tomatoes in an omelette would work. French onion soup is good. Mild dahl has become my regular evening meal.

Old habits stick around, and I often have the urge to just snack on something, not because I'm hungry necessarily. The only thing that I have found so far that works is chia pudding. Just chia seeds soaked in whatever nut milk I have on the go with a bit of vanilla or cinnamon.

Hopefully new habits are forming.

Green smoothies fill me up. Fresh silverbeet leaves, kiwi fruit, banana, protein powder, coconut water, spirulina, flax seed oil and a few frozen berries.

Life without saliva is hard, but I'm sure I'll adjust to it. Sips of water with food doesn't come naturally but over time I guess it just becomes the new normal. Likewise with tastes and mouth feel - it is what it is.

Down in the garden the japonica is flowering. It is a welcome reminder that spring is not far off.

Back on track

I had my three-month PET scan a fortnight ago and have been trying hard to not think about the results. Yesterday I went back to to the big house on the hill in Hamilton for the first time since treatment finished. I had to wait nearly an hour before being called in to see Prof. Dr Vitz was there too. He said Your scan was clear. I must have looked like I was about to kiss him because the next thing he said (quickly) was, you didn't know? As if surprised that I was hearing this for the first time.

Prof poked around in my mouth to look down my throat and ran his fingers over my neck and pronounced me to be be just fine. Dr Vitz reminded me that recovery would probably continue for up to a year. But "No, your saliva won't come back. I told you that at the beginning", like, do these people just not listen? Well, we do, but we don't like what we hear and we hope that we will be different and that won't happen to us.

They agreed that my feeding tube could come out and someone went to get Jo who specialises in such jobs. This is probably the only time that a nearly 60 year old hears the words "You have a very taut stomach" and the response is dismay. Jo said, you'll have an oooh aaaah moment and it will be all over. Then she tugged on the tube. I went OOOOOH AAAAAAAAAAH! and she stopped. Before having another tug OOOOH AAAAAAAHHHH ****!!* I went. It's bleeding, she said. Hmmmm, she said. You must have strong stomach muscles, she said.

Damn those yoga classes! So now I have a booking with the gastroscropy unit for it to be removed from the inside. But that's OK - only a few more weeks and I'll be back into the hot pools. Nothing can dampen my spirits now that my prognosis is excellent and I can get my life back on track.

Maybe a holiday first? Somewhere where I can get plenty of soups and smoothies, because there is little else I eat with no saliva.

Winter walk

After days of alternately lashing and drizzling rain it was lovely to have some sun. So nice not to be cooped up indoors at work on a day like this. Here are some photos from my walk, along the Lake Okareka boardwalk. Lake Okareka is only a 10-minute drive from home.

Canadian geese, honking and grazing in the wetlands

Too nice a day not to just stop for a while and enjoy the sun. Beautiful benches for resting along the way.

Lovely rural scene, rich with the smell of the silage these beasts are enjoying.

Home stretch. It is so good to have some energy returning.

Out and about

Jo Hunt has just been appointed manager of the public library at Opotoki. Jo and I would have talked about this library when we worked together in Cairns - I hate to say it, that was at least 20 years ago. I dropped in for a visit last week. Her appointment has been a big item in the local news as you can see here. I'm hoping the challenges of her new job won't keep her from continuing to make a batch of tofu now and again, tofu being one of the things I can actually eat at the moment. And fresh tofu is a joy in itself as I have discovered when she has brought a batch over to Rotorua. Jo blogs about her tofu making over at http://tofujo.wordpress.com/.

The view that hits you when you come over the hill from Whakatane never ceases to delight. All along Ohope Beach and across the sea to the blue hills of East Cape (I have borrowed this photo).

Over lunch at the wonderful Two Fish Cafe, Jo showed me the plans for a major refurbishment of the library building. Major personal development too! I was able to eat almost all of a lovely spinach filo quiche, just like a real person. Not exactly vegan. But at the moment I need to eat what I can without going to extremes.

Afterwards I wandered down the road to the Opotoki Museum. Past the local theatre and Hiona-St Stephen's church...and a pair of kids riding bareback on a shaggy feisty horse.

 The Museum is a 3 storey building with lovely views from the top floor. It is run entirely by volunteers.